Takattak's opinion, for what it's worth, Takattak doesn't hold the absolute truth, even if she'd like to.
I often see, under the "Story of the Day" posts, reactions of the type: if this is your friend and he or she talks to you like that, it's not a friendship, slam the door.
So when should you slam the door, when should you stay, when should you set your limits?
I'm not necessarily a great expert on the subject. I've put up with overwhelming friendships for years, and sometimes broken friendships over a simple remark. I can also, like many of us, make a joke, to get a laugh or just for a pun, only to realize afterwards that it wasn't a good idea. I can also, like many of us, be hurt by a comment that was harmless, at least to my friend.
So how do you tell the difference between a deliberately hurtful remark and one that's just a funny joke with a provocative twist?
How can you tell the difference between a real friendship, which is worthwhile even with clouds, and one that is toxic and consumes you slowly?
You have several clues. The first is repetition. If your friend systematically devalues you, especially in public, it's a bad sign. If he or she criticizes your tastes, makes fun of you, humiliates you, is never there for you, downplays your problems, is jealous of your other friendships or your relationship, it's a bad sign.
But before you do, it's a good idea to set the record straight between you, so you can tell the difference between a potentially toxic friendship and an awkward joke.
You have a choice: either slam the door, or respond and set your limits, even humorously.
You could juggle :
- Self-deprecating: If you only knew, it's actually much worse...
- Clarification: It makes me uncomfortable, I don't like you saying that...
- And finish on a high note with a pirouette: By the way, have you heard from Pierre?
Here are just a few of the examples proposed by members of the Facebook page, with suggested answers based on the above method:
You're invited to your friend's house, she opens the door, looks at your striped pants:
"Did you come in your pajamas?"
"Yes, we're so close that I thought I could be relaxed with you. Next week I'm coming naked."
Your friend is slumped on your sofa, staring at your badly painted walls:
"Painting's not your thing, is it..."
"No, my thing is drinking beers with buddies. Want another?"
You're meeting your friend for a bite to eat and you're late.
"Never on time!"
"Ah well, you're in a good mood, I hope there's something else on the menu. Would you like to choose the wine?"
Chatting with friends :
"Can't say you're good at living with two, you!"
"No, but the three-way life, I like it. Care to join us?"
You pass a friend on the street and he turns his cheek to you to say hello, but you let him know that these days (this article is written in the middle of the Covid period) you prefer to avoid physical contact:
"Oh, you're completely paranoid!"
"How do you know? I've just been diagnosed! And a psychopath on top of that. How have you been? It's been a long time!
As you leave a restaurant after a couples' night out, your girlfriend pulls you aside:
"I think you have a bad temper when you're with your man"
"Listen, what you're telling me makes me uncomfortable. You don't know what I'm going through. Please don't make comments like that. Where are you parked?"
And let's imagine your friend doesn't stop there:
"But it's crazy, I can't tell you anything, how touchy you are!"
"Indeed, I'm likely to get really upset if you keep making judgments about my couple life."
Then, if she continues, slam the car door and drive off.
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Set your limits, in friendship too... without breaking them.